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Jersey

Girls love puppies…
Girls love guys with puppies…
Guys with dogs get crazy ass…

After a year of wanting to get one, last week I finally got a dog.  An 8 week old Mastiff/Shep mix, named Jersey (come on you know that’s a badass name).  Anyway, after years of hearing the myths… that getting a dog get’s you laid, I wanted to fill everyone in and set a few things straight.  

FYI: I got Jersey bc I wanted a dog, not to get girls… although I’m not complaining either ha*

1. Girls love puppies: This is so true I can’t believe it.  I can’t walk 5 feet without 3 girls stopping to ask about Jersey.  It’s honestly ridiculous.  I mean I know that Jersey is cute (see pic to the right), but girls cross the street just to ask about her.  They want to know everything: what kind of dog she is, when did I get her, how old is she.  So this one is definitely true, girls love puppies.


2. Girls love guys with puppies:  After a lot of thinking I think this is kind of true.  Having a puppy/dog is like that extra credit that bumps you up one notch in school (you know from like a C+ to a B so your mom didn’t bug out on you and pull you off your HS soccer team… thank you professor Wilson!).  Having a puppy does a couple things that are a huge help.  It get’s a girls attention.  It breaks the ice, and it makes her think your cute and a nice guy (bc what asshole could ever have a dog that cute – haha).  BUT they don’t love you, unless you do something with your opportunity.  You need a little game to take it from a 30 second convo to a chat in your apartment.

**Sidenote… girls love a GUY with a puppy/dog.  This means no pink leashes, no tiny bitch dogs, and please please do NOT talk to your dog like a baby while in public (or really ever for that matter).  So unless you have a girlfriend, or want girls to think you like guys… be good to your dog, but take my advice, be a man about it. **

3. Guys with dogs get crazy ass: Pay close attention to what I’m saying… this is NOT TRUE.  Puppies and dogs definitely get you a girl, but are also the most amazing cock blocks ever.  They are like a great wingman who always drinks too much and then pukes or insults someone if the night goes on too long.

Jersey getting carried up stairs 😉

Firstly they are peeing, and pooping monsters that you can count on to drop a load on your living room floor just as you are putting the wine glass down to make a move.  Secondly, because of how ofter you have to feed/walk them, don’t plan on any overnight dates unless you have a roommate to help out.  So you better be able to close early in the night.  Thirdly and most importantly, puppy hair is NOT a turn on.  After a night of playing with the puppy, when the girl looks down and sees her designer jeans covered in puppy hair, she is NOT putting out.   So while you may get plenty of phone numbers, don’t plan on getting tons of ass.

One last sidenote – IF… and this is a BIG if, you find yourself a cool chick (like I may have), getting a puppy will not affect your smush game (in fact it could help it).  A cool chick will not only come to your apt to help you walk the dog after work so that you can make your dinner reservation, BUT she will also be totally cool with putting the puppy in her cage so you can get in a smush session.   With 99% of girls out there though… this is not happening.

SO…  Get a puppy, get lots of female attention, a few phone numbers… and a whole lot of alone time, because those same girls that stopped you on the street aren’t gonna be sitting in your apartment while you’re watching the puppy.                                       

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