**Quick little disclaimer: This is a fun and provocative post that is for adults. This post contains graphic content and imagery. It covers the topic of sex, and at Jones and B, we always promote people having a safe and responsible, yet fun sex life. Please read at your own discretion.**
So after last week’s post on a little throat play in the bedroom, which had a ridiculous amount of response, I thought it’d be good to take a step backwards and take things back to the start. F is for FFFF…riday isn’t just about being rough and rude it’s about really giving a little guide to women, dating, and being good in the bedroom. Which means I jumped way too far ahead with last weeks post. I was teaching you kick flips, before I even asked you if you knew how to skate. So let’s start from the beginning. Because before you can even think about things like choking or getting aggressive, Guys listen closely, you need to always focus on Rule Number 1:
BEING GOOD IN BED MEANS MAKING IT ABOUT HER
To be fair, Rule Number 1, starts way before the bedroom, but we’re going to cover that aspect in a different post. If you’re older than 25 you should just intuitively know rule number 1. If you’re under 25, trust me this is one of those things you’re gonna tell yourself later in life, I wish I knew that when I was younger. Unfortunately, from the feedback a lot of girls have given me, this just isn’t something that either most guys know or most guys actually focus on. Every guy wants to act like “G”, who’s got his sex game at an all-star level; but fellas talk to women and hear how few guys actually impress them in the bedroom and you’ll start to realize – the odds are not in your favor that you’re one of them. So put your ego aside for a second and hear me out on this.
Being good in the bedroom, is about getting a girl off – mentally and physically. To do that you’ve gotta realize that while the same things might get us off no matter who the girl is, it doesn’t work that way for girls. Every girl has a list of different things that turn them on and turn them off, and unfortunately for us they are rarely the same from girl to girl. So to please a girl it means you have to be able to adapt and change your style from who you were with previously. Actually figuring out what turns a girl on isn’t that difficult either you just need to really focus on her.
Being about her doesn’t mean you’re not taking pleasure in all of this, but it’s about realizing that you’re doing things with the intent being for her not you. Why? Because I don’t care if you’re swinging mandingo giant D, or you’ve got the stamina of a Kenyan Marathoner, neither one of those things guarantees that you can get her off. Getting that call back, or keeping a girl really on lockdown, is ALL about getting her off. (Unfortunately, guys who can’t keep it up or are too small for it to matter, well I just feel bad because I’m not sure I can help ya’ll out; but keep reading if you want). Any girl who says, all I want is to do is get you off, is either full of shit or has just never climaxed before. However, if you want to make sure a girl is always open to a repeat performance… Put. It. Down. Proper. Hell, even if you only want a one night stand, don’t you want her to remember you forever. Maybe I’m too competitive about everything, but that’s just the way I approach things. The way to make her always talk positive about sex with you, is to make sure you were just all about getting her off (without ever acting like you’re trying too hard – that’s not cool either). Oh, and in case you were wondering. Yea your girl talks. They all talk, and way more than you think. I mean seriously, in ways that Sex and the City probably doesn’t even do justice. So if you’re good, and you’re really pleasing her, don’t think all her friends don’t know it. This is NEVER a bad reputation to have.
This means when you’re hooking up, you need to be focusing on her. When you’re kissing her, you’re noticing how she’s using her tongue, where her hands are going, and even what she’s doing with the rest of her body. When you take things a step further, remember you’re not doing this just to try and get laid, you’re doing it to for her. You’re doing it to make her feel good, to turn her on, and in a way where it’s almost as though you don’t even care if things even go half a step further. When you take her clothes off, (whether you tear them off or slowly undress her) take a second and look at her and let her know how sexy you find her. It’s unreal how long most guys can’t wait to see a girl naked, and then when they do get her naked, they don’t even take a second to take it all in. Slow your roll chief, and enjoy it for a moment. Make her feel great about her body (even if you think she’s already as secure as they come), and it’ll make everything so much better.
Sidepoint on foreplay – unless she makes the move for it – don’t expect or even really want a blowjob. Some girls love it, and those that do will go for it, TRUST me. However, the ones that don’t will often do it if you ask or gesture for it, but the last thing you want to do is make a girl feel uncomfortable at any level. Again, this is about making things about HER. And, listen, when you really keep a girl satisfied, odds are she’ll offer the BJ just because she’s so turned on by you.
Now that you’ve got her naked, definitely don’t just go in for the kill (I mean yes there are occasions for that and we’ll discuss the quickie another time). It’s all about taking your time with foreplay, whether you’re being controlling or gentle. A girls body has so many different areas that are sensitive, and so many girls are so different. So remember, there’s way more than that basic 1 – 2 – 3 step process we think kicks ass in high school (Neck to tits to V). There’s her ears, shoulders, stomach, hip bones, and ass; obviously there’s also the famous foot fetish (see Rex Ryan for advice on this one ha). In fact, my thing is to actually try and avoid obvious spots (T, A, and V) for as long as possible, in almost a teasing kind of way. Use your hands, lips, tongue… whatever. Mix it up. But just realize that all of this, if done properly can get a girl to the point of finishing, before you’ve even started ( in case you’re a bit slow… YOU WANT THIS). That’s what all of this is about. Getting the girl off.
When you do get to sexing, don’t think it’s all just about pumping those hips. Seeing how loud a girl can scream or how funny she walks the next day doesn’t actually mean she’s really loving it. I mean yea they are positive indicators, but they aren’t necessities to getting a girl off. You need to focus on what movements, what tempo, what depth, really makes her shake. Look at her eyes and her lips, feel her body, and look for those subconscious queues that let you know you’re in a good spot. Don’t forget that, again, she’s got more than just T, A, and V. That was the point of last week’s choking post. Use your hands and lips even during sex to touch and turn on different parts of her. Again, you need to be thinking about her, not just that you’re loving hitting it from behind.
Which reminds me, while some girls absolutely love certain dominant positions (like from behind) don’t go assuming that. One of the biggest things you can do to make sure you really get a girl off, is…. talk to her. Unbelievably so many people just don’t ask questions, in fact they have almost zero communication about their sex life at all. It’s crazy, and no good. Whether it’s before you ever get in the bedroom (but don’t do this too early either Captain Presumptuous), or even when you’re laying in bed post sex, just ask her what she likes. Ask her what she enjoys or if there is anything she’s always wanted to try. Here’s the thing, most people only ever do this type of talking after the relationship is already in trouble. Guys, try doing this really early on so that you never have a bad sex life.
That’s what this is all about really.. right? Having a great sex life? Whether she’s a one-night-stand, a new girl you’re dating, or someone you’ve been with for years… do you ever really want to be known for NOT being good in bed? I mean, as terrible as this sounds, if you really, REALLY, know how to please a girl, you’ll always be on her list. You know that list of people who she might kinda sleep with again, no matter what terms you ended things on, and no matter who else she is seeing (especially if THAT dude doesn’t satisfy her). That’s the thing guys, satisfied women don’t really wander. While there are a ton of other things, especially outside of the bedroom, that play into making a girl feel beautiful, wanted, and desired – the ultimate way to make her feel satisfied is in the bedroom. The way you do that, before we get into all the other little moves, is by observing rule number 1: Make it about her.