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After reading Ben’s post about dude DO’S and DONT’S, I was inspired. It’s been a while since I’ve chimed in on the jonesandb scene and after my afternoon walk to Duane Reade it was official, I needed to vent. On my way into the store I saw this:
boots

Yes that’s right… that’s a MAN… in HIGH BOOTS. I didn’t even notice the purse, because my eyes were blinded by his equestrian-ism. The riding jacket I can handle! I actually appreciate it. I love the style. BUT THE BOOTS!? WHYYY? I am well aware that it’s 2013 and in fashion, playing with gender is way more acceptable and even encouraged. Trust me, I get it. I am currently wearing a cut off jean vest and am almost always in sneakers and a t-shirt with mild pit stains. But this purse carrying, tucked-in boot wearing trend must end. It has to! What’s next? Leggings, baggy shirts and Ugg’s?

Am I the only chick left who wants to date a real man? I don’t need every guy to be all Paul Bunyan and shit… chopping down trees, hunting and gathering and such, I just want to be sure that I am the one wearing the panties, ya feel me? I am all for a man grooming himself and taking pleasure in what he wears and how he smells… and even with skin care! Lets exfoliate together, babe! But in the privacy of our own bathroom, right?

JayZ may rock Tom Ford but you know you're channelling Michael Jackson here #notmanly
JayZ may rock Tom Ford but you know you’re channelling Michael Jackson here #notmanly

It’s just out of control these days. Do you really NEED a manicure, guy? Are you sure you want to post that selfie on Instagram? I think there’s a reason there are three steps to posting a pic on Instagam. I think the people at Instagram knew this would happen. It’s like they knew that the word selfie was coming and that it would go beyond chicks, that dudes would want to play too. So they made sure you had to REALLY want to post that picture. I see it going like this, if I were a dude.

Step 1. Take the selfie. You realize that, hey, you look pretty good. Then you start thinking… should I share this? WITH THE INTERNET?

Step 2. Filtering the selfie. This is where doubt SHOULD start to creep in. So, you start to go through the filters… Maybe you even ran it through Camera+ already and are going to add a DOUBLE filter to this horrific display of “manhood”? Select filter.

Step 3. Writing a comment on the selfie. You start to type: “just got outta the gym”…. No, you can’t write that. Ummm… “1000 sit-ups later”… Nah, your abs don’t look THAT good. And then you should DELETE DELETE DELETE! There is still time!! You don’t have to post this, man. Step away from the mirror!

Look at this guy! Does he have a great stomach? Sure! But any remote attraction I may have had for you is now gone. I actually hate you and your abs now. What are you doing with your hand? And your face, whats that about? It’s over. You blew it. This selfie of you and your abs just kidnapped my libido.

I know that girls do this ALL the time. I have posted some selifies myself. HOWEVER, it’s different! I love when chicks post selfies, I think everyone does. I follow Paulina Gretzky for shit’s sake and wait everyday for her to post a new one. I like to see what people are wearing, how their hair and make-up looks or what I’m wearing, etc. Girls are allowed to do this because we are girls! We are supposed to act this way. We live in a time where its acceptable to take a picture of yourself in a public place, with everyone watching, and then post it online in hopes that every single one of our followers likes it and says we are pretty. I know its a double standard, but I don’t care! You’re men!

In case I was too harsh, I decided there can be some exceptions. Here are my thoughts:

1. Someone took the picture OF you and you look really good (shirt on or off, FINE!). This also includes if you asked someone to take a picture of you, alone. Also acceptable (except if it happens often, then kill yourself).

2. You’re being funny. Funny face. Funny hat. Pointing to a funny sign. You get it.

3. You’re with other friends and you did the whole ‘hold up the i-phone’ thing. Accepted.

4. There is a REASON (other than pure vanity) for the selfie. ie: new haircut (pushing it, but I’ll allow it), cool new t-shirt, something weird/cool is happening in the background (double rainbow?) and yea… I think that’s it.

Godspeed.

 

 

 

 

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