Okay, so let me preface this post by stating I am 30 and single. Okay, okay, 31 and single. What of it? And yet, here I am writing about dating rules and yada, yada, yada. Seriously though, I do know what I am talking about. Really, I do. Just because I am currently rolling solo, it wasn’t always this way, and it won’t be this way forever either. I can also say with full conviction that at my age, I am not going to settle for just any man. Like many girls my age, I want and deserve the best. Period. Because of this, I am also not into following any rules or playing any games when it comes to dating. I am at the point in my life where I am going to do what makes me happy and take each date one by one and guy by guy. Everybody is different and I am going to do what feels right in the moment. I don’t care if there are so-called rules out there on how to act and what to do when dating or wanting to date someone. I was always one to march to my own beat and I’m not going to stop now.
So what are these dating rules I speak of? Well, none of them are set in stone, but they seem to be cliché rules that, even in the year 2013 many women (and men) still think do exist and frankly, I think are horseshit. Personally, I sometimes tend to be impulsive and if I want something, I go out and get it. I like instant gratification and if I don’t think something’s right, I don’t want to waste my time with it and if I do, I go after it. When it comes to guys, if I seem to be hitting it off with someone, I am going to ask for his number. This does not make me too forward. If I like someone, I am going to call (well, probably text) them. That does not make me needy. If I am free one night and he calls me for plans, I am going to accept. This does not make me pathetic. And if I like someone on the first date and things are going really well, I may just seal the deal. That does not make me a whore or a slut. It’s okay to roll with the punches and just see where the situation takes you and to just roll with it. Why must there be so many rules for dating and so much judgement when people break these rules?
Below are what I think are the four most common bullshit dating rules that seem to come up time and time again. When these rules are broken and things don’t work out, some people give you the “I told you so.” And the “Well, see…that’s why you’re still single.” Ugh. It’s fucking brutal out there. All of these rules I am about to list are ones I’m sure you’ve all heard before, but I am here to tell you they suck. Let’s cast them aside and prove them wrong. It’s a new era out there for us ladies, so lets take control. Let’s ditch these ridiculous rules (I know I already do) and see what happens for us.
Ridiculous Rule #1: Don’t ask for his number/ask him out. Um, negative. Fact: Some guys get nervous and/or shy around girls they are attracted to. That’s why the ball shouldn’t always be in their court when it comes time to exchange information. If you are into someone and are feeling a mutual attraction, just go ahead and ask for his digits. Your assertiveness will take some of the pressure off him and may even make him more assured that you are interested so he feels comfortable in moving forward. If you guys have exchanged digits and talked a bit already, and he hasn’t asked out yet, go ahead and ask him. It’s not a big deal at all. What’s the worst he can say? No? If that’s the case, then stop wasting your time texting him. Who has time for all of that? If he says yes, he will it’s a go. So basically, it’s a win, win sitch. You’ve got nothing to lose and a lot to gain. You either get a date or you drop someone not worth your time.
Ridiculous Rule #2: Don’t accept a last minute invitation for a date. If you are texting or talking to a guy you are interested in and he asks you if you want to grab drinks/dinner that night and you are free and want to see him, then do it. It won’t make you look desperate to accept last minute plans. It shows you can be spontaneous and casual. If you want to go, then go. If you feel the need to make him wait, he may just ask someone else to hang that night. Are you willing to take that risk?
Ridiculous Rule #3: The 3-day rule. Why do people really still believe this? Ugh. Guys, if you like a girl, call or text her the next day. Heck, you can even do it the same night as the date. Tell her you had fun. Ask her if she got home safely. Set up the second date. (Ladies, feel free to text him to thank him again and tell him you had a good time.) It’s not pathetic. Once again, it shows interest. We like that. (Just don’t be overzealous and creepy. It sometimes can be a fine line so walk carefully.) We want to be reassured we didn’t make up that fantastic date in our head. If you don’t want to do this, fine. But if you do want to see each other again, reach out the next day. Ask how the work day went. Find something flirty to say related to your convo from the previous night. You do not have wait three days. Fucking lame.
Ridiculous Rule #4: The 3-date rule. Okay, I feel this one may be the most controversial because it deals with S-E-X. I mean guys, why buy the milk if you can get the cow for free, right? AmIRight? Nope. If you are seeing someone, should you wait the three dates to let them get the goods? It’s up to YOU. If three dates is not enough, then by all means, wait five. Or eight. Do what feels right to you. If you are really feeling it night one, then go for it. If he doesn’t call you again, then he’s an asshole and whatever. His loss and you know what he was looking for. But since it should be YOUR decision to do it, be able to handle it if that’s all he was in for. If he does call you again for a real date after you nailed him the first night, he probably still really likes you and doesn’t care you gave it up right away. On the flip side, if after that, he calls you late night to “hangout”, you have probably landed yourself in booty call territory. Unfortunately, you can’t really know what you are getting yourself into which is why everyone and every sitch is different. If you want to make sure he really is interested and in it to win it, then go ahead and make him wait until you feel it might become serious. It’s all up to you. Girls, we def have the power on this front.
Who knows, maybe the reason I’m still single is I think these rules are ridiculous and don’t follow them. Perhaps if I followed them, I’d snagged myself a man already. But I really don’t think that’s it. I’ll patiently wait and see what’s in store for me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, it’s 2013, we are independent women so screw the rules. Let’s rewrite our own!