Everyone remembers Screech from Saved by the Bell right? Dorkish, nerd who would do anything for anyone… especially Lisa Turtle. When it came to Lisa, Screech was borderline crazy. He would ask her out non-stop, buy her gifts when she never offered them in return, and came running at a moments notice no matter what she needed. What started out as an innocent crush, and genuinely nice intentions, turned into psycho behavior that oh by the way… NEVER gets the girl. He was always chasing her.
Most guys no better than being psycho (most, not all), but still a lot don’t understand the fine line between putting in effort (a good thing) and seemingly chasing a girl down. You want to let a girl know you’re interested, make it clear you’re not playing games, but ultimately at times you need to just put the ball in their court. In the beginning, it’s necessary for the guy to initiate things. This means texting first, calling first (something which guys need to do more), and offering up plans/dates first. It is 100% the guys job to get things going in the beginning. Ladies, that’s not to say it’s not possible for you to make the first move, I’m just say that we guys SHOULD be prepared to get things started. However?! Once things are started and going, you’ve got to let the girl begin to initiate things as well. Listen to me:
If a girl knows that you’re interested, and you’ve hung-out, if she’s interested… SHE WILL CONTACT YOU.
If you’ve gone out once or twice, even hooked up, the girl knows if she’s interested in keeping things going. One thing that can turn this off is being too pushy. Asking her out or initiating conversation all the time just makes you too available. For some reason this is just unattractive to women. In some weird way, they always want to feel as though you have other options of things to do and people to talk to, but when you’re with them it’s because you CHOOSE them over everything else. It makes them feel special. If you’re too interested, and/or too available it can unintentionally turn a girl off.
Also, I’ve heard many times about girls who just keep going out with a guy because he’s nice enough and he just keeps offering. They are just not inclined to say no, even though they really aren’t thaatttt interested. So you’ll keep buying them dinner, or drinks and/or making plans around their schedule, when ultimately as soon as that girl meets someone they are actually interested in you’re done. Quite often that guy they did start finding interesting, yea he’s a guy who’s a bit more standoffish, and a bit less available.
The way to handle this scenario is rather simple, just back off a little bit. This isn’t game playing, this is just testing someone’s level of interest. Don’t text them for a few days, or ask them to make plans and see if they get in touch with you. If she does get in touch with you, see if she asks simple questions about your schedule – “What are you doing this weekend?”, “Are you going out tonight?”. These little questions, especially if she’s initiated the conversation, can be seen as queues for you to reassume the male role and ask her to do something. However, if you let things go a few days or a few weeks and you don’t hear from her you can usually assume she’s just not interested. You can try one more message a week or two later and see if she was just being a little shy, but usually it’s fairly safe to assume that for whatever reason she wasn’t feeling it. By the way… that’s fine. You didn’t fail, you’re not a loser because a girl wasn’t digging you. It happens.
You ARE a loser, however, if you keep chasing or pushing at something that’s not there. Let Lisa Turtle have some space, and just see if she hits you up. If not, don’t go hiding out in the locker next to her just trying to “bump” into her. Put in some effort, let her know you dig her, but please, please… Don’t be Screech.