After weeks of worry by media and event organizers about freezing cold weather in New York City effecting the Super Bowl, it seems as though a new sponsor emerged to save the day. Global Warming, which has been in business since the early 60’s, came to the rescue of fans, media, and the general event attending public by helping artificially raise temperatures throughout the NY Metro Area. Thanks to Global Warming, as of this morning temperatures in NYC reached a balmy 56 degrees and are expected to hold around 40 degrees throughout the game. This is about 10 degrees warmer than the historic average for Feb 2 in NYC, and, according to historic records, more than 40 degrees warmer than it would have been had the Super Bowl been held in New York City in 1967, the year of the first Super Bowl.
Don’t think this is a philanthropic effort for the betterment of fans or the game, Global Warming, just like any other business, is out to make a profit. Al Gore and Participant Media, the makers of “An Inconvenient Truth” a documentary about Global Warming, helped negotiate the deal between the NFL and Global Warming and stand to make the most money from this partnership. Al Gore may not have won that election, but he sure is #WINNING now. Additionally, a host of rooftop and outdoor bars, usually closed at this time of year, are throwing huge Super Bowl parties to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather. The biggest of these parties will be Corona’s answer to the Bud Light Hotel, Captain Corona’s Pirate Ship hosted at NYC’s most famous outdoor boat bar, The Frying Pan. Also benefitting from Global Warming and the Super Bowl, albeit not intentionally on the part of the NFL or Al Gore, are the homeless of NYC. Many of whom have ditched their overcrowded winter shelters and subway stations, and returned to their more private summer estates around Union Square. So it seems corporate greed really can have a trickle down effect!
With that being said it’s time for me to head out to the Exxon/Mobile “Ice House” Super Bowl Party event. Since it’s so warm, they’ve brought in gas powered generators to create an authentic winter feel for the game, complete with fake snow machines and those disposable hand warmers. It’s going to be one hell of a party! So whether you’re rooting for the ‘Hawks or the Broncos don’t forget to thank Global Warming for really making New York’s first Super Bowl such a success!
*** This story is not true and is just made up for comedic purposes. The NFL would never leverage any political relationships for financial gain.***