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While putting back a couple beers the other night, the Jones & B team started discussing dating, bad dating, and deal breakers in relationships.  Always a fun topic as it is, we added a few shots of Fireball to the mix and the conversation got pretty weird.  We quickly dove into detail on the most random things that turned us all off, you know those little things that really shouldn’t be that big of a deal… but they are.  So we decided to just make a list.  The list alternates between things that turn off girls and things that turn off guys.  Some may be obvious, but we’re warning you, some are pretty weird….

1. (TURNS OFF GIRLS) Shoes: Apparently it’s true.  Girls hate it when a guy has on weird, ugly or dirty shoes.  There’s no rational explanation for why shoes can matter so much, but they do.  So stop wearing New Balance with jeans! And ditch those crazy dress shoes with the cross on them.

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2. (TURNS OFF GUYS) Makeup: “I love all that makeup she’s wearing”, said no guy ever.  Guys understand that girls need to wear some makeup, but seriously –  don’t take it overboard.  Wear too much makeup and we don’t see a hot girl, we see an ugly girl trying really hard to cover something up.  Well that or it just reminds us of a creepy grandma.

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3. (GIRLS) Listening to Rihanna: Not everything a girl likes should be liked by her dude.  Rihanna is one of them (a close second is Lady Gaga).  It’s one thing to be cool with Ri-Ri in the club, but if she’s on your workout playlist at the gym, don’t plan on working us out anytime soon.

4. (GUYS) Awkward hat wearing: Aw sick you’ve got your Kentucky Derby hat on… except you’re not at the Kentucky Derby.

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5. (GIRLS) Bad fitting clothes: Guys, you don’t have to have a huge wardrobe,  expensive items or even be super stylish, but PLEASE just buy clothes that actually fit you.  Suits aren’t meant to have enough space for us to fit in your coat with you, and t-shirts do come in sizes larger then a shmedium.

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6.  (BOTH) Bad kisser:  If you can’t kiss what hope do you have of ever turning on anyone?  How can you be an adult and still open you’re mouth like you’re trying to eat our face?  That whole, “you’ve got to teach someone how to kiss the way you like”, is bullshit.  You should have learned how to kiss when you were 13, like everyone else. Even if you did have to use your own hand. But teach you?  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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7. (GUYS) Weak ankles:  Yea ladies, we see you rocking those 6″ Louboutin’s, only problem is you look like you may break your ankle with every step, Bambi.  Unlike you girls, we don’t care what kind of shoes you’re wearing, but if you’re going to rock them, can you make sure you’re capable of walking in them?  There’s nothing sexy about watching you almost fall down every 5th step.

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8. (GIRLS) Random cock shot guy: Guys, please tell us what makes you think we want to wake up in the morning to our cup of coffee and a picture of your cock?  Do you think we’re going to just strip off our clothes and have our way with ourselves in that very moment?  Or wait, maybe you think we’re just going to rush over to your place for a quickie before work?  Nope, not happening.  In fact if you’re regularly sending us any kind of unsolicited selfie we are definitely making fun of you to our friends…extensively.

9. (GUYS) Snoring:  We know it’s not your fault.  No one wants to snore.  You can’t control it, you’re sleeping.  We get it.  Buttttt, it’s still not hot.  There is nothing stranger than a tiny, cute female sounding like a wildebeest lying next to you.

10. (GIRLS) Grammar:  If there’s one thing to remember about us girls, it’s that we care about the details.  This is especially true when it comes to grammar.  We can accept a typo, or even the iPhone autocorrect (we know you didn’t mean to type “ducking”).  However, if you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re” then YOU’RE (you are) never going to be “ducking” us.

11. (GUYS) Bad story teller:  We have no idea why gender should play such a huge role in the retelling of facts from past events, but apparently it does.  Your funny stories rarely have a punch line, and you constantly name drop “friends” that we don’t know. We don’t have a clue who “Jenny” is, and based on the story she doesn’t even sound that annoying.  But we still sit there and say things like, “yea, she does sound terrible,” because we’re guys and we still want to sleep with you.  As long as you just “Wrap it up”.

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12.  (BOTH) Bad dancing:  This is a tough one.  Because neither guys nor girls like it when someone is so uptight they won’t dance and/or have fun when you’re out and the music’s playing.  HOWEVER, if you can’t find the beat it’s just as unattractive.  So if you can’t dance, you’re kind of in a no win scenario.  Our recommendation?  Just be self-aware.  If you can’t dance don’t think you’re a “Jabawokee”, and please don’t try and grind on anyone if you have no rhythm.  It’s really just a public preview of bad sex.

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13. (GIRLS) Drinking from the cocktail straw:  We’ve endured the “metro-sexualizing” of the world, and can even appreciate a guy who’s confident enough to order a cocktail at the bar.  However, there is NOTHING less masculine then seeing a guy drink his “Moscow Mule” through the cocktail stirrer.  We use it because we don’t want to mess up our lipstick.  Are you wearing lipstick?  We hope not.  So then pick up your sugary cocktail, and drink it like a man.  Straight from the glass.

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14. (GUYS) Excessively late:  Why are women incapable of estimating time accurately?  “Be there in 5”.  BS!   We know you’re not 5 minutes away, you probably haven’t even left your apartment yet.  Then we have to go have that awkward conversation with the hostess where we ask to push your reservation back, but in reality it comes off like, “we swear she’s coming.”  It’s the single man’s equivalent of having to hold your purse while you shop.

15. (GIRLS) Chick texter:  We once wrote a post called the “25 things a guy should never text” and it’s so true.  There is nothing worse than getting inundated with girly texts that include excessive emoji use or text speak like “lol” and/or “yay.”  It’s like getting a text from our bestie, which is not a good thing.  You know, because she’s a girl or a gay guy.  Seriously?  Can’t men be men anymore?  

16. (GUYS) Guys girl: Is it cool when a girl can kick it with the boys, maybe watch some football and have some wings?  Absolutely.  However, when a girl is all about chilling with the homies, then something is up.  If you’re a hot girl, those “guy” friends, may not be focused on sleeping with you, but they all think about it.  That is a fact.  Also, why do you have zero girlfriends?  It’s probably because they don’t understand why you’re texting their boyfriends to meet up for beers after work.  

17. (GIRLS) Shady phone guy:  We get it, you don’t want us checking your phone.  Only crazy girls go and snoop through your phone; well crazy girls and girls that you make crazy.  If you can’t get up and go to the bathroom without taking your phone with you, even when you’re in your own apartment, then you’re definitely being shady.  Afraid some girl is going to send a naked selfie in the 5 minutes you’re gone??? It’s cool though.  Just remember… anything you can do, we can do better.  So if you’re shady phone guy, don’t be surprised if we have some junk, that’s bigger than yours, on our phone too.  Pun intended!

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18. (GUYS) Can’t roll with it: We wait for hours for you girls to be ready, and then if we have to change plans even slightly you go nuts.  For a 110 lb girl that goes on a “Juice Plan”, once a month, you sure flip the fuck out if you have to wait 30 minutes to eat.  And no, you don’t have to go home and change just because we’re going to the bar instead of the club.  Whatever the situation, if you can’t roll with it, then we can’t roll with you.

19. (GIRLS) Indecisive:  You guys don’t like it when we can’t roll with it?  Well how about you guys learn how to come up with a plan.  If we wanted to constantly hear, “well what do you want to do”, then we would date a girl.  Even if it’s a bad plan, a man takes control and knows where he’s taking us.  Oh and “what do we want to do?”, if you don’t know what we like by now then you clearly don’t know us at all.  (We know you don’t know us that well, but damn we love saying that to you guys.)

20. (GUYS) Never give head:  Do we even need an explanation for this?  You don’t have to love it, you don’t even have to do it all the time.  But once in a while, maybe just maybe, “Give it back, eh.  You know… return the favor.”

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21. (GIRLS) Jack rabbit:  Guys, if you’re over 21 and haven’t figured out that the whole jack rabbit in the bedroom routine doesn’t do anything for us, then we’re sorry but we’re going to have to pass.  Sex isn’t a crossfit AMRAP.  Slow your roll buddy.

22. (GUYS) The boob fake out:  This is when a girl either uses amazing pushup technology or hugely padded bras to make their tiny boobs seem huge…for a night.  It’s not that we have a problem with tiny boobs, but if you can make an A jump to a C with strategically placed underwire, well that’s just false advertising.  How would you feel if we went out with a soda can in our pocket, only to get you home and show you something no bigger than a roll of quarters?  Yea, we didn’t think you’d like that either. 

23. (GIRLS) Mommy issues:  Most guys don’t realize how huge this is.  However, we have zero tolerance for a guy who can’t do anything without checking with his mom.  It’s cute when a guy really cares about his mom, but if you talk to your mom once a day and/or before all decisions then you’ve got some attachment problems.  You were definitely the kid that slept in his moms bed till he was 12, and well, that’s not hot.

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24. (GUYS) Never says thank you:  It’s crazy, but so many girls not only don’t do the fake purse grab when the check comes, but they don’t even say thank you when we pay.  We know we are the guy, and we are going to pay for almost everything…forever.  However, the least you can do is acknowledge the fact that you didn’t pay for dinner or drinks or the concert or any of the many things we get for you by saying thank you.  

25.  (GIRLS) Over ambitious first date:  “One guy asked me to go with him to Paris on our first date,”.  That really happened.  Guys, seriously, if you try too hard on a first date it only does one of two things.  One, creeps us out because you come off desperate. Two, sets a bad standard that we wish we wouldn’t take advantage of, but probably will.  And then we won’t sleep with you, because any guy trying that hard can’t be good in bed.   

26. (GUYS) Fake friend girl: As guys we have never understood this.  Why do you have so many friends that you can’t stand?  Why do you continually tell us about them?  If you don’t like them, stop hanging out with them.  Jeez, wtf do you say about us when we aren’t around?  Actually, no don’t tell us.

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27. (GIRLS) Name Dropper Guy: This is the guy who seems to work into every conversation the famous or cool people he knows?  One of our co-founders is a notorious name dropper guy.  We get it, you’ve got some cool friends.  Only problem?  They don’t make you any cooler.  And isn’t it ironic how we never meet any of these “friends” of yours?  Hmmmm….

28. (BOTH) Sloppy drunk:  Falling all over the place, fighting with a bouncer as you almost light yourself on fire trying to light up a cig in the club, or blowing chunks in the cab on the way home.  Being that drunk person at the bar or club is bad, but being their bf/gf is even worse.  Because the whole time you’re watching this drunk mess, you’re literally thinking, “how do I ever fuck this person?”  Eventually that thought changes to, “look at them lying in their own vomit, yea I’m never fucking that person again.”  This was hands down the number 1 biggest turn-off of anything we discussed, for both sexes.

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One thought

  1. Wow has anyone ever told you people how painfully shallow you are? You will never find anyone worthwhile if you carry around a list of judgements like this. Everybody gets wasted sometimes, and plenty of great people can’t dance. I hope you realize other people find your superficial views an even bigger turnoff than this whole list combined. Have fun with the vicious cycle of marriage and divorce.

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