**Quick little disclaimer: This is a fun and provocative post that is for adults. This post contains graphic content and imagery. It covers the topic of sex, and at Jones and B, we always promote people having a safe and responsible, yet fun sex life. Please read at your own discretion.**
Don’t act like you don’t know what 50 Shades of Grey is OR who Christian Grey is. It’s ok, we’re not judging. The sexually charged book has absolutely dominated pop culture, not unlike the way Christian Grey dominates his women. With last week’s announcement that Christian Grey will be played by
Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy and Green Street Hooligans) (Grey will now be played by Jamie Dornan), I felt the time was ripe to dive into our first sex column with a ‘Grey’ inspired piece on a little throat-play in the bedroom.
Now, I’m no sex god or anything of the sort. However, I have been told that I know a few things about pleasing a woman in the bedroom. While all girls are very very different, what I’ve learned is, the key to great sex is all about 2 things: 1. pleasing the other person (paying attention to what really turns them on) and 2. the illusion of control (it’s not about being controlling, but understanding how control can affect the sex). I’ll dive into more depth on these subjects in the future, but just realize that these two factors play a major role in how good sex can be between almost every couple. Stamina, size, speed, positions, and ambiance all play a role, but really they all fall into those two larger categories. While every girl likes different things – different ways of being touched, different ways of being seduced – there is usually the desire, in some way, to be controlled by their partner. Control can be very subtle and gentle with some women, and very dominant and physical with others (one should master both of these techniques in order to handle whatever it is the moment calls for).
Before I go on, let me be clear, I’m not saying that every girl likes to be choked or likes to be controlled. What I am saying is that there are subtle and more overt ways of applying actions like choking that can go over very, very well. The key is to take things slowly, pay attention to her physical queues, and remember this is about pleasing HER, not about showing how strong you are.
Until recently, I never thought being dominant, and specifically choking, was something that was unique to me. It’s not something I bring out with every girl I’ve been with, but it’s something that I have done for years and never really thought much of. However, after some recent conversations with ex-gf’s, girls I’ve dated, and just some friends, I realized that maybe it’s not that obvious a move (and from what they said, even the guys who try and do it, don’t really know what their doing). The thing about choking is, it doesn’t have to be as rough as you think, and it’s also much less deviant than you may think it is. In fact, for most girls, it’s much less about actually asphyxiating them as it is simply letting them feel your hands in a different way. Again, realize that this isn’t a guaranteed crowd pleaser, it’s just something that you can try, because when a girl does like it, and you do it well, they really like it. You just have to ease into it all, be gentle and sensual and figure out (without blatantly asking questions) how far the girl wants you to take it (going back to what actually pleases the other person). The following are a few quick tips on choking and how to go about it.
1. The kiss test: As I’m single, I go on a fair amount of dates and nights out. As “Hitch” taught us, girls put a TON of emphasis on that first kiss and/or first real make out session(and if you didn’t already know, then just stop reading because you have zero chance at making this work). Now, I’m not talking about the peck good bye kiss; I’m talking about that first serious, if we weren’t standing on a street corner it would be on, kiss. The basic move during this kiss is to put the hand behind the head of the girl, if you’ve got a little bit of game then you might give a subtle pull on her hair just to pull her chin up and expose her neck. But if you really want to drive her nuts, and get a little bit of strategic info on her turn-ons, then slowly drag your hand down from the back of her head, past her earlobe, and down her collar bone. Then, do not be 16 years old and go for her tits, take your hand slowly back up softly around her neck, kind of pushing her head up and back. If you do it softly it’ll be sexy and cool, but it’ll also give you a good sense of if she likes the feeling of your hand around her throat.
2. The first time in the bedroom: Now, here things are going to get a bit more serious, but again, it doesn’t have to be rough or crazy. Your first goal is to slowly test these things to make sure SHE likes it. Remember, there are way more places that turn on a girl than just her T, A, & V. It’s also not just about kissing or licking. There is a feeling of touch that can’t be replicated with anything but our hands. This may sound super sensual and slow, but even when you are getting rough, there is an importance to always touching and sensing other parts of her body. Your first time trying choking in the bedroom, you can always start things off with the kiss move from above. Use that positioning to move her chin to the left or right so you can kiss their ear or their neck. You can also try, when you’re going down on a girl or kissing down their body, reaching one hand back up, past their boobs, and straight to their neck. This accomplishes a couple things: 1. Shows that you’re not 12 and just focused on playing with their nipples 2. Stimulates different parts of their body at the same time 3. Establishes a level of control, that in certain positions, you would have seemingly given up. As you move into sex, again use the chin as a guiding mechanism, but don’t be afraid to slowly let that hand fall down to the throat. At this point you’re ready to occasionally, tighten that grip just a bit and see how she responds. If you’re going slow and deep, you can kind of increase your grip slowly with the movements. However, as this is still really the first time, don’t push it too far, and also don’t just do this non-stop for the next 20minutes. Like with anything else, vary your hand positions and be versatile. Pay close attention to her body language. If she arches her back/neck trying to get your hand off, slowly back out of this position. If she grabs your wrists, or reaches back for you throat, well you probably hit a good spot with her. But PAY ATTENTION.
3. Turnt-Up! If things are going really well in the bedroom, you KNOW she likes the subtle choking and/or you can just tell she likes to get rough, then don’t hesitate to turn things up a notch. Constant movement around her throat with varying degrees of resistance in a variety of positions is fun and can really bring out the animal in a girl (if you haven’t brought that out already). If you’ve got her from behind, maybe start by reaching your hand around the front of her neck, under the chin, and pulling her up towards you so can kiss her neck. If you want to be a bit more rough, reach your hand past her neck to her opposite shoulder so that your forearm is against her throat. Pull her, using your forearm, backwards into you, using your pressure on her opposite shoulder to keep forcing her body downwards and deeper. If you’ve got her at the edge of the bed, stand up, putting one hand around her leg and positioning the other one straight up towards her throat. If her head goes backwards as you’re getting there, you’ll know she likes it, and just keep slowly pushing her head back as you slowly squeeze tighter. Just make sure that you don’t go so hard that she passes out.
So those are the basics to choking in the bedroom. Remember, it’s all about pleasing her, and creating an illusion of control. In a sense, you’re not ACTUALLY choking her (although some girls do kind of like that), you’re just kind of showing her, sexually, that you as a man are capable of it. If a girl likes it, that mental control issue is part of the turn on for them. It’s that psychological idea of power, more than the physical representation of the action, that is most important. Girls are so stimulated by the mental side of things, that you have to be aware that every touch and movement says something a lot more than just what you think they physically feel. Choking is, for 90% of girls, about just that. So pay attention to her physical queues, and that will let you know how far to take things. Now, if you get a girl who breaks out a collar or a belt, watch out. You could have a really fun situation on your hands, but you may also want to make sure she signs a release form.