For two years, strangers have been approaching me on the street and in the gym, pestering me with questions like, “Bro, why are you wearing tights?” or “sexy leggings dude,” or “are you wearing yoga pants?” Being the confident, masculine man that I am, my answer is always: “Women’s size XXL, dipshit.”
While Yoga pants and leggings have long been a fashion staple for female gym-goers ages eighteen to forty-five, their male counterparts seem disinterested in acquiring the look for themselves. The compression these sleek pants offer, however, actually does have benefits beyond the tightening of thighs and lifting of asses (though I certainly don’t mind that effect it has on the ladies).
The truth is, compression feels nice! The pants keep all my things in place and protect my skin from floor burn, chaffing, and the other strange things that always seem to happen in the gym (you know if you’re putting in real work?!). But you’re probably wondering, Eric, what prompted you to put on a pair of lady-pants in the first place and figure this out? Perhaps better to leave some stories untold…
I’m only joking Bruce Jenner! If you take a look at the male mannequins at Niketown or notice what most NBA and NCAA basketball players wear, you’ll see it’s exactly my style. And yet, for some reason, I’m the one who has to deal with the ridicule—explain that to me!
Sure, when I started wearing compression pants, they really were Women’s size XXL leggings, but I was just doing a favor for the other male athletes of the world, taking one for the team, discovering a practical application for leggings in the male wardrobe. I’m a nice guy like that. Plus, the daily mockery and humiliation I received helped me build character.
And the irony of it all is now I see dudes everywhere biting off my style. Coming straight down my street, ripping a page straight from my blueprint. WTF is that?!
I’ll admit, a lot of the use-cases I see are fashion over function. I mean dude with the twig legs, DYEL? But for those of you that do, on a heavy leg day, I think you’ll find the compression will help you stay warm and tight. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with looking good while you work, am-I-rite?
Plus, next thing you know, all your bros will be rocking Meggings under their XXXXL basketball shorts because of you. You trendsetter, you.
When they do, keep in mind that imitation is the best form of flattery.